PROBLEM PAGES

Various magazines - 1942-1959

PLANNING A PARTY? TRY A ROUND OF GUESSING GAMES!

Q:  Could you give me some advice about an informal twenty-first birthday party which I am planning as I have never given a party before. I don't know how to go about it.

A:  To begin with, try to have more boys than girls at your party, as it is always a good idea to have a boy or two over to make up for those who can't or won't dance. The best way to get people friendly is to have some round games and guessing games which will make them laugh and talk together. Clear as much space as possible for dancing, because most young people like to dance. And supply the music from your radio, or better still a pick-up radio attachment, if you can get one. This is much louder, and particularly festive. Naturally, you will have a good supper. And you will be wise to include plenty of savories, as everybody likes these more than too many sweets nowadays. There is little else I can tell you, except that the best kind of party is the one in which the host or hostess dispenses with formality, gets everybody together right from the start, and keeps the ball rolling.

New Idea, 1942

AVOIDING "MARITAL UNIONS" DURING PREGNANCY

Q:  I am expecting a baby, and am advised to avoid marital union for the time being. My husband, whom I love dearly, is upset by this ban. Although he tells me I am not to worry about him, naturally I know when he is nervy and overwrought.

A:  It would probably help you both if, during this time, you could have separate rooms. The nerviness between you would not then be nearly as easily communicated from one to the other. The suggestion you have made in that part of your letter I have not printed would be absolutely harmless and might assist you both.

Woman magazine, 1950s

A SHINING REPUTATION IS PRECIOUS

Q:  I am 17, and have several boyfriends, but the two boys who attract me the most are considered "fast"- which is true. I enjoy their company, but when they make advances which are wrong I put them off. I can't seem to like a boy unless he is a flirt. Could you tell me why I am like this?

A:  There are several explanations of your personality- the most likely is that you're an extrovert, you want to be noticed by people- and being seen with undesirables is one way of doing it. However, it's a shoddy way, and one that reflects badly on yourself. A shining reputation is a precious thing to have, and certainly should be yours at 17; you'll find that your present conduct, no matter how fundamentally innocent it may be, will damage your reputation. If a bit of attention is worth the gossip among older people, the sniggering looks from young men, the disregard of girls your own age, then go ahead. Otherwise, try to be a sensible girl right now, give up the "fast" boys and cultivate the nice ones. A "flirt" isn't a title to be proud of.

Woman magazine, 1950

SHE'S A NICE GIRL, BUT....

Q:  My son has started taking out a very nice girl - I am pleased about it, except that when they go out for the evening they don't come home until two or three in the morning. I have told my son it is not right to keep a girl out until that hour but he says I am old-fashioned.

A:  You have not told me how often your son indulges in these late nights. Perhaps once a week - if they go dancing, for instance - a late night is permissible, but if it occurs too often it is not good for their health. Your son, in his first youthful ardor, may overlook this point. Leave them alone for a few months and if the late nights continue to be frequent, try having a talk with the girl, who may be able to influence your son to see reason on this matter.

Dorothy Dix, 1950

RECEIVING GUESTS AT YOUR DEBUT

Q:  My parents are giving a dance at home for me, at which I am to make my debut. I was wondering if you could give me some idea of the procedure. I don't have a partner as at a public dance, do I? Is there any particular feature to mark the occasion besides wearing white and carrying a posy?

A:  At a dance at home, the debutante helps receive the guests with her mother and father. She wears a white dress (simple and youthful) and may carry a bouquet if she wishes. It is not necessary for her to invite a specific partner, for she must circulate among the guests as much as possible through the evening. However, at supper time she may ask a particular young man to sit with her. Apart from these elementary customs, there seem no other rigid rules to be observed.

Dorothy Dix, 1950

MARRYING THE SECOND TIME AROUND

Q:  Will a Church of England minister marry a divorced woman in a church, after the woman has divorced her husband? Also, is it correct to wear a floor-length dress and a shoulder-length veil for a second wedding? I had in mind a green taffeta dress, floor length, and a short green lace veil across my head, hanging to the shoulders. Also, what would be correct to carry for such a wedding?

A:  Some Church of England ministers, in some cases, will marry a divorced man or woman in a church. I suggest that you interview the ministers in your own district about the matter. Answering your second question, you may wear a colored floor-length dress and veil, if you wish; the only stipulation about a second marriage is that the bride should not wear full white bridal regalia. My own feeling about dress for a second wedding is that a very young widow or divorcee might wear a pastel, feminine gown, carry a tiny posy of flowers and perhaps pin flowers in her hair; but that a not-so-young second bride is in better taste if she chooses a simple street-length or dinner gown in a muted color, a hat instead of a veil, and carries a handbag (with perhaps a spray of flowers pinned to it) instead of a bouquet.

Dorothy Dix, 1950

WHEN IS A WOMAN NOT A WOMAN? WHEN SHE'S A WIFE

Q:  I was married quite recently, and I am rather hazy as to when I use my husband’s initials, and when I use my own. Will you put me wise?

A:  Now that you have become a married lady, you have assumed your husband’s surname, and also his initials. Letters written to you should be addressed to “Mrs. J. S. Brown” or “Mrs. John Brown” and that is also how your name would appear in print, or on a visiting-card. But when it is a question of a personal signature, then you must not use his initials but your own name. Officially “Mrs. John Brown,” you are also to your friends “Rosemary Brown,” and that is the way in which you sign letters, cheques, and documents. Because initials are apt to be confusing, I suggest you use your own Christian name in full in cases like this.

Woman and Home, 1953

A PITY MARRIAGE IS ONE THING, BUT BREEDING IS QUITE ANOTHER

Q:  Would you please help me? I am 22 and have almost completed my three years as a teacher with the Education Department. I am in love with a man of 25 who is partly Negro. I have known him for seven years and we have been firm friends for six. Now, as I suppose you have guessed, we wish to be married. We have approached Mother and Dad, and although they like him very much they are not keen on the marriage. Their main worry, I believe, is children, but on this score my fiancé and I are very clear. We have spoken to each other on this subject and have both come to the conclusion that neither of us is worried. Now, please would you state what you think is right for us to do? I don't say that our feelings for each other will alter, but I would like to know your views on this matter.

A:  Like most things, such a marriage is what you make it. It would be starting with two big handicaps: (1) Not having children (which I take to be the meaning of your references to this matter), and (2) your fiancé's Negro blood, and at first I was inclined to say no. But then I thought, well, handicaps usually make people fight harder. You seem a sensible girl with good parents. Perhaps, recognizing the handicaps, you'll make a success of such a marriage where another girl, with no cloud on her marital horizon, will fail. It's so very much up to you.

You'll have to be careful that you're not marrying your man because you pity his blood. Has he a fair job? Can you teach after you're married? If you don't have children, you'll have to find yourself a job to absorb your energies, otherwise you'll have time to feel sorry for yourself because you're not having babies. Human nature being what it is, there's nothing like not being able to have something to make you want it.

I don't know your district. Is it big or small? Generally, the bigger the city the less people care about mixed blood, so that even if they knew of it people would merely comment, "He's got some dark blood," in the same tone they'd use to say he has a birthmark on his cheek. But if you intend to live in a small district where everyone's going to say for the next 50 years, "Such a nice man, but Negro blood, you know," or "You'd never guess he's partly Negro, would you," you'll be done.

What will work for you is that there are so many migrants these days that people are much more tolerant of racial differences. Whatever you do, don't make any more of a "thing" of his part-Negro blood than you can help. If you can take the knowledge of it lightly, you'll have cleared the biggest hurdle of all. If you decide not to marry him, break it off finally and completely, even if you have to take yourself off to a job in another State. Whatever the present cost in heartache, that's only fair to yourself and him.

The Australian Women's Weekly, 1954

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